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Cinetropolis: My New Movie Home

I apologize for neglecting this site for so long. You see, I felt bad for only updating it with discussions about movies so I ended up just not using it at all. Thankfully, I kept the site around, as I was chatting with an acquaintance on Twitter who looked at this blog and asked me if I wanted to write for his new website! It’s not a job per se, as there are no deadlines and I don’t get paid, but it does give me a place to put these movie posts without filling up my personal blog with them.

So, you can find my movie posts from now on at:

Cinetropolis

I might update this site irregularly with non-movie stuff, so be sure to stick around and subscribe.

Five Years

My wife and I have been married five years now.  In celebration, I got permission to reprint something she wrote last year.

The 9 Signs That You’ve Been Married to a Nerd for too long!

  1. You understand the jokes on “Big Bang Theory” and don’t really think they are funny because … they make a good point!
  2. You get upset when a movie or show your watching has sound effects in space.
  3. People start asking YOU for computer advice.
  4. You dread cooking sometimes because you KNOW a food replicator would be so much easier.
  5. You argue with people over which Star Trek TV Series is the best. (Voyager hands DOWN!)
  6. You trip over something and think to yourself “Well, I guess I failed my acrobatics check”.
  7. You hear Japanese people talking out in public and you can pick out phrases and words they are saying due to too much Anime.
  8. You turn down hanging out with people in your town to play xbox online with your “real” friends.
  9. You hear a landspeeder go by and realize it was a car.
  10. You find yourself describing something you appreciate as being “Leet” a.k.a. “1337”. (a late addition)

See why I love her so?

One of those “25 Things” things

  1. One of my favorite things to do is watch science fiction shows on DVD with my wife.  So far we’ve watched Quantum Leap, Sliders, Firefly, Star Trek Voyager, Stargate SG-1, and now Battlestar Galactica (2003).
  2. I love to play video games, but I’m not very good at them.
  3. I went to elementary school, but was homeschooled for junior high and high school.  I don’t think it shows though.
  4. I got my degree in Media Communications, but the fanciest equipment I have is an $80 digital camera and a 5 year old educational version of Photoshop.
  5. I would love to be a movie critic, but my opinion of movies tend to change the longer I think about them.  I’ve thought a lot of movies were really good when they came out, but later I look back and realize they weren’t very good at all (i.e. The Star Wars Prequels).
  6. I both want to have kids and am terrified of having kids.  I make do with my Silky Terrier, Berkeley.
  7. I’ve been around the same weight since high school, even though I am probably the least healthy eater I’ve ever known.  I’m sure it will catch up to me sooner or later.
  8. I’m 25 and going bald.  Kind of sad.
  9. “Star Wars” is more than a movie series to me.  It’s literally been part of my entire life.  I even met my wife because of it.  True story.
  10. I used to have a mullet when I was a kid.  Not my choice though.
  11. I can remember being new to church and asking my Sunday School teacher, “Why do we keep talking about this Jesus guy?”
  12. I’ve never had any formal computer training.  Not one class.
  13. I’ve never broken a bone.  Then again, I try not to do anything dangerous.
  14. I remember once when I was 4 or 5 being told by my mom to “get in the tub”.  I grinned and ran off to stand in the tub completely clothed.  Now, 20 years later, I would do the exact same thing and think it was just as funny.
  15. I used to design logos all the time for fake companies that I pretended I owned (“CarpetHead Inc.”, “doubleOfive records”, etc.).  Then I actually ended up designing the logo for the company I work for now, and am way too proud about its implementation nationwide.  I’m especially proud of the lightbox sign out front of the corporate office.
  16. I lived in Honduras with my family for a year after high school, but I rarely spoke any Spanish down there.
  17. Due to living on campus when my stepdad went there and working on campus until my wife graduated, I spent 11 years at Johnson Bible College (1995-2007, minus the year in Honduras).
  18. My first kiss was in the backseat of a vehicle being driven by the girl’s mom with her little sister in the passenger seat.  It was the first time we had hung out and I only saw her twice since.  Does that make me a player?
  19. It’s weird for me to experience something like a wedding without seeing it through a viewfinder.
  20. I’ve never played Dance Dance Revolution.  It’s one of the few things I refuse to do.  No real reason anymore, just being stubborn.
  21. I still have regular dreams about missing classes in college.  Darn that stupid “only two absences” rule!
  22. I love technology, even if I have no use for it.  I love my iPod Touch and the thousands of things you can do with it, but I barely use it to listen to music let alone do any of the fancy things with it.
  23. I’ve actually had two different people who I met and formed relationships with online come and stay with me.  Neither one was creepy.
  24. Some of the best times I had in college were playing Dungeons & Dragons with my friends.  I actually think back and regret not playing more.
  25. This literally took me a week to write.  Either I’m: (a) lazy, (b) uninteresting, or (c) took this way too seriously.  The answer is C.

Collegiate Quotes

I decided to finally post the quotes I wrote down when I had my old laptop in college. I don’t know why it’s taken so long. I will try to bring some context in if it needs it.

Spring 2003 – Music Appreciation with Mr. Trentham

“Silence is the opposite of sound (duh!)” – Jason Summey

Jared: “What are you giving up for Lent?”
Me: “Your face.”

Trentham: “Some of you probably think I’m crazy…”
Me: “Eccentric.”
Trentham: “Pardon?”
Me: “You’re eccentric.”
Trentham: “Eccentric… I like that, thank you, Mr. Stewart.”

(After playing a selection of Beethoven)
Trentham: “What was wrong with Mr. Beethoven?”
Jared: “He was deaf.”

Trentham: “Someone came up to me and told me, ‘You scare me, Mr. Trentham.’ And I said, ‘I haven’t even began stalking you yet.’”

Trentham: “I like going to New York to watch the crazy people. And nobody notices!”

Trentham: “We just sang a lovely rendition of ‘Happy Birthday.’ It was awe-inspiring.”

Trentham: “Whatever Mr. Beethoven had a problem with in the first movement, he must have gotten it fixed.”

Trentham: “I don’t have a horse in this race…” (referring to marriage)

Trentham: “Thank goodness it was videotaped.” (after a smutty wedding story)

Trentham: “Whoever planned the music must have had the intelligence of a box of dog hair.”

Trentham: “You can listen to the works of Beethoven and say ‘We’re not in Kansas anymore.’”

(After saying that he had bought “Home and Garden”:)
Jared: “Do you garden?”
Trentham: “Yes, and I also ‘home’ too.”

Trentham: “That’s a totally different kettle of fish.”

Trentham: “Papa Bruno is complaining because he hasn’t been sleeping since he procreated.”

Geovan: “What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaa!”

Trentham: “They thought this was an exercise of ‘lust in the dust.’”

Trentham: “Mr. Trentham was packing heat.”

Trentham: “Ah… That’s a Christian chord.”

Trentham: “I didn’t say anything, but that made me want to heave up my pancreas.”

Trentham: “I don’t like that leader of North Korea… His eyes are helter-skelter.”

Trentham: “Last time, I think they pulled something too tight. When she sits down, her mouth opens!”

Trentham: “I give out things in my will that I never owned, and never will own…”

Trentham: “Most of Bugs Bunny’s opera parodies include Elmer Fudd, who I’m starting to look like more every day… But I’m not bitter.”

Trentham: “If Elvis Presley were dead, he might turn over a couple times…”

Trentham (handing him a birthday card): “Don’t open that.”
Caleb: “Cause there’s money inside?”
Trentham: “Yes, and the ink is still wet on the money. Everyone has to make a living somehow.”

Fall 2004- Systematic Theology with Tommy Smith

“We were a depository, or a repository… anything but a suppository.” – Tommy Smith

“Then we go to small groups and pool our ignorance.” – Tommy Smith

“When I was a student back in nineteen *muffle* four…” – Tommy Smith

“Yes…” – Tommy Smith
“Josh. Or you can call me ‘Beautiful’.” – King Cooper
“Alright, go ahead, Sweetie.” – Tommy Smith

“If I were to take a shotgun to my wife’s head and tell her, ‘Kiss me goodbye,’ she would. That’s about what it takes.” – Tommy Smith

“The great theologian Bob Dylan.” – Tommy Smith

“That’s just bologna, to use a technical, theological term.” – Tommy Smith

“If you come over and threaten my wife and I bite your leg, that’s conscious choice.” – Tommy Smith

“But what do we do with hurricanes and tornadoes and plague…” – Tommy Smith
“Geisert…” – Priest

*Tommy changes the projector to “negative”*
“This is like taking drugs and going to see Fantasia!” – Tommy Smith

*Tommy starts singing Beethoven’s Fifth to make a point*
“Will this be on the test?” – Priest

“Did you see the picture of you doing a lay up in the yearbook?” – Drew
“I’m not laying up, I’m dunking. ‘Skywalking.’” – Tommy Smith

“The rapture came and your paper was left behind.” – Tommy Smith

“Are there any more of those yellow sheets?” – Ryan Russel
“No, but you can have mine. The Authorized Version.” – Tommy Smith

“Can you sign it?” – Ryan Russel
“No, but I sweat on it a bit.” – Tommy Smith
“It’s a holy relic!” – Geisert
“‘Rub it on your eyes and receive your sight.’ ‘Ah! Papercut!’” – Priest

“What ‘sense’ did we miss… I don’t know maybe someone bit Him on the arm!” – Tommy Smith

“You didn’t know ‘J.W.’ was Mattingly? He eats puppies too.” – Tommy Smith

“Does anyone else have anything bad about Kevin?” – Tommy Smith
“I hear he burns monkeys.” – Priest

“The person who gets the 9000 copies left over can keep them. Or sell them. On the black market. ‘Black market handouts.’” – Tommy Smith

“You could be spilled with the Firit.” – Tommy Smith

“I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t go to the movies, I don’t cuss… I don’t vote Democratic.” – Tommy Smith
“You haven’t lived till you’ve voted Democratic.” – Geisert

“‘Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.’ Goosh, goosh. Goosh, goosh.” – Tommy Smith

“Nice message, but I hated the tune. Couldn’t dance to it. Now what were we talking about?” – Tommy Smith

“‘The only people who sit on the back row are chicken thieves and grave robbers.’” – Tommy Smith, quoting his old minister

“‘But God. But God! That’s a big but!’” – Tommy Smith, quoting an evangelist

“Don’t put all of your soteriological eggs in one basket.” – Tommy Smith

“If that wasn’t a ‘cat that ate the canary’ look then there isn’t one. If you looked up ‘cat that ate the canary look’ in the dictionary, you’d see Ryan’s face. Now what was your question, Corey?” – Tommy Smith

“I’d like you to use the internet because when you get out in WorldLand…” – Tommy Smith

“One more question, then I swear I’m done.” – Leslie Plourd
“You don’t have to swear.” – Tommy Smith
“Sometimes I have to swear.” – Priest

“As for the plan for the next few days… I have a plan.” – Tommy Smith
“You’re like Kerry; you have a plan but you’re not going to share it with us.” – Drew

“I think the first words I said was Acts 2:38.” – Tommy Smith

“We’re going to have to have an invitation hymn, all these hands going up.” – Tommy Smith

“People like that never seem to be very good live-rs. And I don’t mean chicken.” – Tommy Smith

“I learned something playing sports: If you don’t do the work the rest of the week, on Friday you get your brains beat out.” – Tommy Smith
“What kind of sport did he play?” – Priest

“I had to explain what a eunuch was, and they thought it was the coolest.” – Tommy Smith

“Obay Acts 2:38” – A rock somewhere in Tommy Smith’s travels

“You sanctify your onions before you put them on your hot dog.” – Tommy Smith

“Do you have an article in there?” – Drew
“Yeah, but its not on Hebrews. It’s not even on the Bible. It’s on skinny dipping in the baptistery.” – Tommy Smith

“I’ll give you one more example before we get to the invitation hymn.” – Tommy Smith
“Almost persuaded…” – Priest and Geisert, singing

“The official name for SPAM is ‘missionary ham’.” – Tommy Smith

“I had to walk away to keep from knocking the snot out of the guy. I apologize for my violent language there.” – Tommy Smith

“Ah, but all the bottles of Holy Water are so clear.” – Patrick Harrison
“That’s because the bottles come from Raul’s faucet.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Lent’ is not the stuff you find in your belly button.” – Tommy Smith

“I call you a liar and it’s OK; call God a liar and you’re zapped.” – Tommy Smith

“Let’s go to First John. Let’s all go to the jon here.” – Tommy Smith

“If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.” – Tommy Smith

“Twee Tests. Tree Twests… You say ‘three tests’ 10 times!” – Tommy Smith
*Geisert does*
“Smart aleck.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Revenge of the Sith.’ Oh, I thought it said ‘Revenge of the Smith.’ Wondered what I was venging.” – Tommy Smith

“If you think kids are going to obey you perfectly, you’re living in Wonderland. Little rabbits are running by you going into holes with clocks in their hands.” – Tommy Smith

“Not because I’ll earn brownie points; if I take out the trash she’ll make me brownies, literally.” – Tommy Smith

“I do not see the gift of pie baking on this list, but I know that the gift of pie baking to be a great ministry.” – Tommy Smith

“Jimi Hendrix could play the guitar because God gave him the ability.” – Tommy Smith
“Word.” – Priest

“I don’t sing like Luciano Pavarotti yet, I haven’t gotten that spiritual gift; I still sing like Bob Dylan. So there you go.” – Tommy Smith

“What did you find out from your Spiritual gifts tests?” – Tommy Smith
“I’m not patient.” – Patrick Harrison
“‘I couldn’t finish it.’” – Priest

“I dated a girl one time—” – Cooper
“Really?!” – Drew
“Josh is going to tell us about his one date.” – Tommy Smith

“I found out at 1:30 in the morning during a junior high lock-in that youth ministry wasn’t for me. I was ready to kill them. I wanted to mow them all down and go to bed.” – Tommy Smith

*erases several “I *heart* Dr. Trotter”’s that were on the board*
“My apologies to Dr. Trotter. Dr. Trotter’s fan club was active today. You know, I bet he came in here and wrote this himself.” – Tommy Smith

“God came to me in a dream last night and told me to kill at least half of you.” – Tommy Smith
“Wait till I turn on the camera!” – Drew
“Kill that half!”

“Oh no, my son is watching Benny Hinn! Where’s the Playboy Channel when you need it?!” – Tommy Smith

“I’m tired, sometimes my brain goes into remission.” – Tommy Smith
“Where is this ‘remission’?” – Priest

“Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. I’ve never understood why you would do that. Some of these old phrases don’t make sense, like ‘Have your cake and eat it too.’ Why would you have cake and not eat it?” – Tommy Smith

“Sorry, I was about to get on a soapbox.” – Tommy Smith
“Do it!” – Everyone
“No no, I’m far too humble to do that.” – Tommy Smith

“Josh, you’d better help Kenny, he’s going to fall out of his chair. Welcome back to our world, Kenny.” – Tommy Smith, handling sleepers

“Can you imagine if the whole body was an eye? They’d roll into the church and get up on the pew. If I was the preacher, I’d run back and forth ‘cause it’d look like a tennis match. I think of these things late at night.” – Tommy Smith

“If someone marries a girl named ‘Beulah’, they’re being redundant.” – Tommy Smith

“I don’t use a remote control in my house. If I’m too lazy to tell my wife to get up and change the channel, I’m just too lazy.” – Tommy Smith (kidding)

“This is the best definition for worship, and it’s the typical Bob [Martin]: it takes forever for him to say it!” – Tommy Smith

Fall 2004 – Church History with Tommy Smith

“All of the people who changed their name in this class are women!” – Tommy Smith
“Eh, women are fickle.” – Tim

“We’ll bust ya head. That’s Latin for ‘we’ll take care of you.’” – Tommy Smith

“Last time I checked, murdering your family was not one of the fruits of the Spirit.” – Tommy Smith
“Darn.” – Lee

“I’d like to kiss Constantine on the lips.” – Tommy Smith

“So, do you think the church is still encouraging persecution?” – Jared, confusing myth with fact

“Married people calling each other brother and sister… This is either incest or East Tennessee.” – Tommy Smith

“This has nothing to do with persecution.” – Tommy Smith
“Persecution of the South.” – Drew
“We’re being repressed.” – Lee
“Bloody peasants.” – Drew

“Always distrust the ‘they’.” – Tommy Smith

“You wouldn’t watch lions eat Christians on ESPN.” – Tommy Smith
“ESPN: Eastern Spiritualist Persecution Network.” – Tim

“Now, if all the bread makers in Rome were to band together–” – Tommy Smith
“They could make a huge cake.” – Lee

“That’s Greek for ‘many fish’.” – Tim (Polycarp’s name, 9-7)

“That’s Latin for ‘many-sided fish’.” – Tim (Polycarp’s name, 9-9)

“Oh great projector…” – Tommy Smith
“We must make a sacrifice.” – Drew
“Bring out the virgins!” – Laura
“If we can find any.” – Drew

“Whoa, the Bibleth!” – Tommy Smith

“Next thing you know you’ll be denying the virgin birth and eating your young!” – Tommy Smith

“They were either Trinitarian or Christological.” – Tommy Smith
“Did he say ‘Crystal Chronicles’?!” – Lee

“SILENCE!” – Tim’s suggestion for how to start class, used by Tommy Smith on 9-14

“If you said ‘homoousius’ to Constantine he’d probably think you were insulting his mother and punch you in the nose.” – Tommy Smith

“Sorry for all you counseling students who got offended. Get over it, you’ll get offended again.” – Tommy Smith

*types “homoousius” and its red underlined* “This must be an Arian spell check.” – Tommy Smith

“Who are ‘the quick’?” – Lee
“The good and the bad. The dead and the undead.” – Tim

“Mark Pierce and I are going to start a church. We’ll have bluegrass, none of this ‘contemporary’ worship. Then we’ll get into a fight and split. Mark will get the ‘blue’ church and I’ll get the ‘grass’ church.” – Tommy Smith
“Now that’s what I’m talking about.” – Lee

“He was part of the Manicheans…” – Tommy Smith
“The butter-people?” – Drew
“The Namekians?” – Lee
“Manacotti?” – Tim
“Crystal Chronicles?” – Lee

“A baby takes his first breath and he’s a sinner.” – Tommy Smith
“So, sin is an airborne disease?” – Drew
“It’s an STD.” – Lee
(Tommy went on to basically say that)

“Let’s roll!” – Drew’s suggestion for how to start class, used by Tommy Smith on 9-16

“Where’s Tim?” – Lee
“Maybe he died and became pope!” – Drew
“I don’t think he’d become pope if he died.” – Lee
“Shut up!” – Drew

“Can you flip that back?” – Ryan Russell
“But its more fun to do this and frustrate you.” – Tommy Smith

“So by default they’re going to carpe diem: ‘buy the fish’ or something like that.” – Tommy Smith
“There we go, another fish reference.” – Lee

*Tommy tears the two overhead papers in half and puts them on screen together*
“That’s called ‘being smarter than the average bear’.” – Tommy Smith
“You could have just folded them.”
“I wanted to tear them in half, punish them a little.” – Tommy Smith

*concerning Pope John Paul ll*
“Of course, he’s been dead for ten years. They just kind of prop him up nowadays, speak behind his back. Like Weekend at Bernie’s.” – Tommy Smith
“He’s a cyborg. He’ll be a general in the Robot Army.” – Lee

“Let’s ‘git er done’.” – Someone’s suggestion for how to start class, followed by groaning

“My son and I sat down and watched the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour.’ You could just feel your brain cells coming out of your ears.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Monk’ means, single or alone. Monos.” – Tommy Smith
“The hands of fate! Ah!” – Tim

“Be specific.” – Tommy Smith
“Eh, I like to be vague.” – Ryan Russell

“My grandmother believed that if Jesus came back and caught you in a movie, you went straight to Hell. Which is really bad, because not only would you be in Hell, you would never know how the movie ended.” – Tommy Smith

“Only a church historian would say ‘You’ll be amazed!’” – Tommy Smith

“I liked the monk who lived in a cage for 60 years and ended up being killed by a farmer who thought he was a wolf…” – Jared
“Were-monks” – Drew

“You get a cool spiritual hat, then you have to drag your kids around!” – Tommy Smith, talking about married monks/priests

“If they told you to stand on your head and suck Tootsie Rolls for the next 10 days, you’d do it. Don’t try that at home.” – Tommy Smith

“Now does this [referring to the monastic vows] remind you of anything? Johnson students!” – Tommy Smith

“Knock knock.” – Tommy Smith
“Who’s there?” – The class
“Control freak. You say, ‘Control freak who?’” – Tommy Smith
“Control freak who?” – The class, realizing we’ve all been had

“Obedience, Chastity, Poverty. Are you down with OCP? Yeah, you know me.” – Tim

*Tommy is being sarcastic about monasticism*
“How do you fast ten times a day?” – Tim
“If you’re a hobbit.” – Geisert

“St. Patrick was a pirate!” – Lee

“‘Against spells cast by women’?” – Drew
“Heck yeah. They cast ‘Charm’.” – Lee

“The Galatians were Celtic.” – Tommy Smith
“That must be why Galatians is all about drinking and sex, ‘cause that’s all they know how to do. That and fighting.” – Lee

“Literally all Hell broke loose.” – Tommy Smith
“Literally?!” – Tim
“Yes, the ground broke open and Satan came out.” – Lee

“It’s sad that the only thing we know Patrick for today is green beer.” – Tommy Smith

“Wouldn’t you want to be a bishop in Bobbio? It sounds like a fun place. ‘Yay, Bobbio!’ ‘Sutton Hoo’ sounds like fun too. ‘Sutton HOO!!!’” – Tommy Smith

“Look, it’s George Bush!” – someone’s extremely lame suggestion for starting class

“I’m not a sissy, but I’ve read the books.” – Tommy Smith

“I’ve never understood why we take eggs and give them to a rabbit.” – Tommy Smith
“Well, it would just be dumb to have an Easter Chicken.” – Lee

“It was almost like ‘Earth Wind and Fire’. Celebrate good times, come on.” – Tommy Smith

“Did you have a question, Tim, or are you just waving your pen around?” – Tommy Smith
“It clicks.” – Tim

“I don’t spend too much time on my hair. I just polish and go.” – Tommy Smith

“I gave her a Riesen… to die.” – Tim

“Hold on to your hats, I’m gonna kill you.” – Tommy Smith

“Kind of like how I can ‘name that tune’ in three notes, I can name the Medieval Age in three popes.” – Tommy Smith

“Who become pope and named themselves ‘Innocent’? ‘Hey, I’m Pope Awesome.’” – Drew

“Holy orders, like a cheeseburger on a holy bun.” – Tommy Smith

“Sounds like a bad punk band: Johnny Rotten and the Extreme Unction!” – Tommy Smith

“We’re going downhill. But some say we never started going uphill in the first place.” – Tommy Smith

*The overhead was fuzzy, and Tommy zooms it out*
“Oh, it was ‘controversy.’” – Drew
“A huge controversy.” – Laura

“I can’t believe I never noticed that you drew on my shoe.” – Drew
“No, ‘tim’.” – Tim
“Huh?” – Drew
“I ‘tim’ on your shoe.” – Tim

“Schism.” – Tommy Smith
“Skism.” – Lee
“Shiv ‘em.” – Drew

“Candles are big business in the Roman Catholic Church. Candles are bigger than bingo.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Diet of Worms.’ Luther ate at the same cafeteria you do. Cha-ching.” – Tommy Smith

“‘Peasants’ Revolt.’ That’s when the married students complain about not having air conditioning. Cha-ching number 2.” – Tommy Smith

“We’re going to see where Luther walked.” – Tommy Smith
“The floor?” – Laura

“Rapiers suck. ‘Cause they’re French.” – Lee

“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you that David Wheeler gave me this song. He couldn’t understand it, that’s why he gave it to me. Oh!” – Tommy Smith, giving a Manly Arm Pump

“It’s encouraging to know that Luther, the great reformer, had the same struggles I do…” – Lee
“Kill all the Jews.” – Tim

“Not me, when I’m having a bad day I let everyone know it.” – Lee
“Yeah, we know that we know.” – Drew

“I’ve been to Sacramental. California.” – Tim

“Of course, Dr. Eubanks wouldn’t believe you because, being from East Tennessee, I can barely speak English, let alone speaking in tongues.” – Tommy Smith

“There’s a good can of worms to let out… and let the cat eat.” – Tommy Smith

“Now I may smash your pumpkins on Halloween, but we get over it.” – Tommy Smith
“I’d like to see him try to smash mine. I’ll punch him in the face.” – Lee

“The followers of Luther have out-Luthered Luther.” – Tommy Smith

“I can’t wait to die.” – Geisert

“I ran out of Reisens… to live. I got Lifesavers instead, because my life has been saved.” – Tim

“We get the idea that Baptists hate baptism. If they did, they’d pick a different name. It would be like calling myself ‘maggot’ because I don’t like maggots. I don’t know where that came from…” – Tommy Smith

“The average age of the S&S Cafeteria is 92. All the food there is soft so you can gum it.” – Tommy Smith

“If I knew I was going to Hell, I’d tie one on all the time!” – Tommy Smith

“I missed your chapel service this morning.” – JoshO
“Well, you’re going to Hell. Though for a price I could let you out.” – Tommy Smith
“How much? Let’s talk money.” – JoshO
“A hundred dollars.” – Tommy Smith

“If it was allowed, your lap would be my ultimate goal.” – Danielle, to Drew (as she kept moving back a row every class)

“What you don’t know is that we professors take your tests and share them with each other. Make fun of you, belittle you…” – Tommy Smith
“That’s OK, we do the same to you professors.” – Tim

“They couldn’t conceive of a female monarch.” – Tommy Smith
“Is that some sort of a pun?” – Tim

“We call her Mary Tudor, as opposed to her sister, Mary Fourdoor.” – Tommy Smith
“Or her other sister, Mary Convertible.” – Geisert

“They were going to fight like the dickens.” – Tommy Smith
“Who’s ‘dickens’?” – Drew
“Charles?” – Lee

“He executes his wife, and marries Jane Seymour, who later became ‘Dr. Quinn.’ She looks good for 300 years old, huh?” – Tommy Smith

“My notes are dripping with blood. Literally.” – Tommy Smith

“She played queen of the elves and queen of the English. What else is there to play?” – Tommy Smith, concerning Cate Blanchet

“Y’all are Church History studs.” – Tommy Smith

“Chalk up the nose. I should sue the college for ‘white lung.’” – Tommy Smith

“All the Pietists were on the missions program.” – Tommy Smith
“w00t.” – Tim

“It was either a wand or one of those Barbie pinwheel things.” – Tommy Smith

“Could you spell that for me?” – JoshO
“It’s right up there.” – everyone around him
“Smack him in the back of the head, would you Ashley?” – Tommy Smith

“Sometimes Geovan is disgusting!” – not really what Tommy Smith said

“Freudian slip: I put ‘Zinzendork’.” – Lee

“Wesley went down to Georgia. He was looking for a soul to save.” – Tommy Smith

“It’s always good to get a dig in on Georgians. But I’m afraid of getting my tires slashed.” – Tommy Smith
“The righteous always get persecuted.” – Lee

“We’re pietists!” – Drew
“We like pie?” – Laura

“I like watching little kids go to the bathroom who can’t reach it.” – Tommy Smith, standing at a urinal before class

“Have you taken care of the orphans?” – Tommy Smith
“I’ve taken care of the orphans.” – Lee, menacingly

“The best way to get back at people for calling you names is to accept it.” – Tommy Smith
“That’s why we’re going to start calling ourselves ‘The Stupid Fags’.” – Lee

“If it was rough in Redneck Georgia now, it was really rough in Redneck Georgia then.” – Tommy Smith
“I’ll agree with that!” – Lee

“Lets jump into Bill and Ted’s phone booth or elevator or whatever they had.” – Tommy Smith

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in blue jeans, I’d be like a working class citizen.” – Tommy Smith
“You wear a dress then.” – Lee

“Go over to the Historical Room and check out Mrs. Johnson’s underwear.” – Tommy Smith

“Who’s going to win them to Christ?” – Tommy Smith
“John Wesley!” – everyone
“YEAH!” – Tommy Smith

“Wesley threw away his gown” – Tommy Smith
“That’s good that Wesley came out of the closet.” – Lee

“They sing all 58 verses of ‘Just As I Am’…” – Tommy Smith
“Are there really 58 verses of ‘Just As I Am’?” – Lee
“If you repeat them enough.” – Tim

“I don’t know what happened just then, but it was dangerous.” – Tommy Smith

“There are five churches on my Short Circuit. Number 5 is alive.” – Tim

“…The Revolutionary War. Or, as Dr. Templar calls it, The War of the Rebellion.” – Tommy Smith
“You rebel scum.” – Lee

“Our task today, should you choose to accept it…” – Tommy Smith

“I just don’t know if I can write with a pink pen and still maintain your respect.” – Tommy Smith

“We’ll start back here in the peanut gallery.” – Tommy Smith, starting the role with us
“I think he’s talking about you, Drew.” – Tim

“That’s why we live down here instead of in Minnesota. Or North Dakota, where they have two seasons: Winter and August.” – Tommy Smith

“I keep forgetting we’re in the 21st century.” – Tommy Smith
“Obviously.” – Tim

“Where have you heard Harriet Beecher Stowe before? That’s right, she started the Civil War.” – Tommy Smith

“The revivals went on and on and on and on. You heard Dr. Eubanks this morning…” – Tommy Smith
*snicker* – Drew
“…say that Dr. Johnson was at a three week revival.” – Tommy Smith
“Oh.” – Drew

“He went to his fellow drapery salesmen.” – Tommy Smith
“‘Drapists.’” – Lee

“We’re going global.” – Tommy Smith
“Boom.” – Lee

“I misspelled it, as if any of you would notice.” – Tommy Smith
“I noticed.” – Lee and Drew, simultaneously

“William Carey was a shoemaker; a cobbler.” – Tommy Smith
“A Keebler?” – Drew

“The most famous missionary was David Livingstone. I presume.” – Tommy Smith