REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

It all begins with a choice, even if it makes no sense.

Summary: Bella is torn between two supernatural worlds, but everyone knows which side she picks, no matter how many times she’s told that its a dumb choice.

Thoughts: This was by far the best of the four books, and with a director who knows “real” vampire movies (David Slade directed the recent Thirty Days of Night) this had the opportunity to be the best of the movies, even if it wasn’t a good movie.  It does succeed at being the best possible Twilight movie, but its still not strong enough to be a good movie on its own.

Slade comes from how I would approach this movie, focusing on the action and humor, while glossing over the will-she won’t-she of Bella’s “love triangle”.  The problem with the love triangle is that I don’t believe that Stephanie Meyer really saw it as a triangle.  She tried to make Edward the obvious choice and New Moon was supposed to show that they’re meant to be together by Bella’s desperate insanity when Edward is gone and Edward’s suicide attempt after thinking she’s dead.  My problem is that I believe that Jacob, while a werewolf, would be the best choice.  She wouldn’t have to leave her family, she wouldn’t have to change into an undead, bloodthirsty creature, and so on.  I think that after the “New Moon” book was released, Meyer did not anticipate people actually wanting Bella and Jacob to be together so while writing “Eclipse”, she turned Jacob into a creepy obsessive jerk so that people would agree with Meyer that Edward was the better (though still creepy and obsessive) choice.

Throughout this movie, Bella gets advice on whether or not she should throw her mortal life away for Edward, and everyone, Edward included(!), thinks that it is a bad idea.  Seriously, there’s a scene with her mom not wanting her to run off with the first boy she falls in love with, same with her dad.  Her friend gives a valedictorian speech about how growing up is about exploring all of the possibilities and making mistakes because nothing is permanent (except vampirism, but her friend doesn’t know that).  The other Cullens give big speeches/flashbacks about how becoming vampires were the worst things ever to happen to them.  And Jacob spells it out for her that he is the better choice.  None of this sways her in any way, because its Edward that she’s “meant to be with”.

Basic plot flaws notwithstanding, the movie is rather enjoyable.  Like I said, the director knows how to do the action sequences and that is great since this movie has the only real battle of the series (spoiler for Breaking Dawn).  It’s also a battle that he had free reign to choreograph since the books are first-person and Bella wasn’t present for the battle, so it is shot well.  The way that the vampires take damage to their granite-like bodies is pretty cool and they sound they make when they break apart sounds painful.  The CGI werewolves look much better this time around as well.

The humor is played up a bit more.  Once again, Billy Burke as Bella’s dad Charlie rules the day with every scene that him and his mustache have the opportunity to grace.  Much fun is poked at the werewolves’ lack of clothing, but it still surprises me that no one realizes that something is really weird with the Cullen family, with their pale cold skin, color-changing eyes, slight sparkliness, and general creepiness.  Maybe its like Clark Kent’s glasses, they can’t see the obvious in front of them because they don’t want to see it?

Anyway, this is an enjoyable film.  If you thought the first two were good, you’ll love this one.  If you thought they were mediocre at best (as I did), you might actually like this one.  If you hated the first two with an undying passion, you’ll hate this one too, but you might get some laughs from it.

P.S. I’m not looking forward to the Breaking Dawn movies.  It’s bad enough that Meyer was forced to expand her two book idea (“Twilight” and a mix of “New Moon” and “Eclipse”) into a four-book series, but forcing the last book into two movies just seems to exacerbate the problem further.  And I’m not sure the guy who directed Dreamgirls is the best choice for a teenage vampire movie.  However, the RiffTrax should be epic levels of awesome.

Overall: Much more enjoyable than the first two, but still not a really good movie due to the flaws in the source material.
3.5/5

Read my other Twilight reviews:
Twilight

New Moon

REVIEW: Iron Man 2 (2010)

The Real Man of Steel

Summary: Tony Stark is Iron Man and has solved all of the world’s problems (somehow).  The Government doesn’t like that he’s not sharing his technology, other weapons manufacturers are trying to copy him, and a man from his hidden past wants him dead.  Tony has problems of his own, but he finds he can depend on his friends and future allies…

Thoughts: I loved the first Iron Man.  It was so much fun and totally unexpected.  I went into this movie with high expectations and had been pumping myself up for a while now.  However, it did not live up to my own hype.  It’s not bad by any means, its just not as awesome as I would have hoped.

The plot is a bit slow at times.  Things will happen, then everything will slow down for a while, then speed up.  Some things that happen are a bit too unbelievable for me, but I suppose if you put a super-genius in a room for long enough, he’ll come up with something.  The main villain’s motivation for revenge is explained, but not why he feels he needs lightsaber-whips instead of just using his knowledge to blow Tony up.

There didn’t really seem to be much character development.  In the first movie, we watch Tony go from being an arrogant loaner who realizes that he needs to try to redeem himself for some of the things he may or may not have done.  In this movie, Tony is an arrogant loaner (again) who I guess realizes that he needs his friends, but I’m inferring that on the movie.  Really, he treats everyone like dirt, and if they’re his friend, they’ll get mad but forgive him.  If they’re villains, they’ll get mad and try to kill him.

The effects were great, as expected.  All of the new armor looked awesome.  The battle scenes were great, but a bit short.  I suppose real battles don’t take 10 minutes like is some movies, but it just seemed that after a few punches the fights were over.  There were a few surprises that even the trailers didn’t ruin, but they look great.

I may be being too hard on this movie.  I was fun, it just wasn’t as much fun at the first one.  It had humor, it had action.  It just kind of slowed down at points where I feel like it may not have needed too.  What I really liked was the parts that are leading into the other Marvel movies.  For those who don’t know, Marvel Studios is making several movies of their superheroes and then in 2012 there will be an “Avengers” movie with them all coming together.  So each movie is leading into the next, almost like we’re getting all of the backstory for “Avengers” in each of these other movies.  So far we have Iron Man 1 & 2 and The Incredible Hulk (the one with Ed Norton).  Next comes Thor, then Captain America, then Avengers which will bring them all together..  They’re planning even more movies as well.  I like that they’re planning ahead with these, instead of just trying to capitalize on the comic book movie wave.

Another things I appreciate is that while there are inside jokes and references, I like they they don’t try to force this kind of stuff directly into the plot.  Sure Whiplash and Black Widow are in this movie, but they aren’t called by name.  The Hulk wasn’t called “Hulk” in his movie either [EDIT: watched it again, and they do call him that in a throwaway line, and he does say “Hulk Smash!”  I still feel they handled it better than the following].  I didn’t like how Fantastic Four (a Marvel movie, but the rights belong to another company) had Johnny Storm come up with their code names from the comics (“Mr Fantastic” doesn’t make any sense, seriously) and everyone used their catchphrases like they knew they were supposed to say them.  Anyway, I’m glad the Marvel Studios-owned properties aren’t doing that.

On a side note: I was excited about the music in the movie since I bought the “soundtrack” which was basically an AC/DC greatest hits album.  However, the movie had two AC/DC songs, which is only one more than in the last movie.  There were a lot of good songs, but for AC/DC to be the entire “soundtrack”, they weren’t in it except in the beginning and the end.

Overall: Not as much fun as the first, but not bad at all.
3.5/5

REVIEWS: 2009 Movie Review Retrospective

This is a retrospective of the movies I saw in theaters this year.  I’ve arranged the movies in the order in which I would recommend them.  You might notice that the listing doesn’t match up exactly with the ratings I gave them originally, but that’s the point in a retrospective.

  1. Avatar
    Yes, I’m going to do it.  I’m going to put the last movie I saw at the top of the list.  But this movie changes so much about movies in general, that I can’t help but put it at the top.
  2. Star Trek
    JJ did the impossible and made a great Star Trek movie that manages to both reboot and continues the series in a worthy manner.
  3. District 9
    Surprisingly good, partly because the ad campaign gave nothing away and partly because it was heartwarming and action filled.
  4. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
    I think this movie can finally stand alone as a good movie, not just a good Harry Potter movie.
  5. Up
    It’s Pixar.  It’s funny, heartwarming, doesn’t talk down to you or your kids, and looks amazing.
  6. Drag Me To Hell
    A good balance of funny and scary, with a satisfying ending.
  7. Zombieland
    While Zombieland wasn’t exactly what I wanted, it was still tons of fun.
  8. 2012
    The world is literally falling apart and they want us to care about individual people?
  9. The Twilight Saga: New Moon
    My least favorite book of the series turns into a dull movie.
  10. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
    A movie built on the cliché that bigger is better, which it definitely isn’t in this case.
  11. Terminator Salvation
    Skynet reveals their big plan and its a Terminator with free will?  All I know is that it could have been worse.  A lot worse.  It’s still pretty bad.
  12. The Hangover
    Funny, but highly inappropriate.  Can’t really recommend it.
  13. The Men Who Stare At Goats
    Advertised as a slap-stick comedy, its more of a dark comedy, and not very comedic at that.
  14. Watchmen
    So long, so boring, so weird.
  15. Hannah Montana: The Movie
    Yet another “movie” version of a TV show that manages to not be a game changer, even when that’s supposed to be the moral of the story!
  16. Year One
    Probably the worst movie I’ve ever seen.  Unfunny comedy, cringe-worth dialog, every scene dragged on and on.  First movie we literally talked out loud about walking out of.

REVIEW: Avatar (2009)

A whole new world.

Summary: It’s 2154 and a marine who lost the use of his legs finds a new opportunity to take his twin brother’s place controlling an alien body on a beautiful planet.  His job is to study the natives and maybe convince them to relocate so the humans can have a rare substance on their land.  However, he finds that betraying the natives is a lot harder after they accept him as one of their own.

Thoughts: James Cameron hasn’t made a movie since Titanic.  The mind that brought us Terminator and Aliens has been out of action since 1997.  However, this movie has been in his mind since before then.  Finally, the technology caught up with his vision, and unlike George Lucas and the Prequels, Cameron’s vision was worth waiting for.

While the story may have been told before, its never been told this well.  Every aspect of the film is technologically superior to anything that has come before, CGI or live action.  The characters are incredibly life-like (Sigourney Weaver’s Avatar is obviously alien and obviously Sigourney).  The mannerisms of each actor is brought through their CGI counterparts perfectly.  The planet itself is beautiful as well.  I found myself lost in the CGI, forgetting it was computer-generated several times.  The action was fantastic, the plot engrossing, and it was genuinely entertaining.

I got to see it in 3D, which I have to recommend.  Cameron designed it to be seen in 3D, and it is exquisite.  Most of it is very subtle and really helps bring you into the movie.

Overall: Beautiful, thrilling, groundbreaking.  While I wouldn’t say it changes everything about filmmaking, it certainly changes a whole lot.
5/5

REVIEW: Star Wars In Concert (12-12-2009)

Star Wars... IN CONCERT!

Summary: Imagine a clip show of the best parts of the Star Wars Saga, like a condensed music video version of all 6 movies.  Now imagine that the music was being created right in front of you by a full symphony orchestra introduced by Mr. Anthony Daniels (C-3PO)!  That’s basically what “Star Wars In Concert” is.

Thoughts: I wanted to see this for two reasons.  The first was the opportunity to see John William’s score performed live.  The second was to see Anthony Daniels in person, a dream of mine since childhood for some reason.  The show preformed well on both accounts.

Starting with the THX Deep Note (sadly not played by the orchestra) and ending with an encore of The Imperial March, the whole show was the memorable themes John Williams wrote for characters or events played against clips along with some dialog from the movies relating to the musical theme.  Some clips had laser lights, and a few had PYROTECHNICS that we could feel on the other side of the arena!  The opening theme played against clips from the saga in release order (4,5,6,1,2,3), but once Anthony Daniels came out he started the (heavily condensed and choppy) story from the beginning.  Anakin’s Theme, Duel of the Fates, Across The Stars, Battle of the Heroes, all of the great themes Williams wrote for the prequels were there, proving that while Lucas may have lost his way for the prequels, Williams certainly didn’t, making what I’d argue to be some of the best musical pieces of the modern era.  I especially liked the clip show for “Across The Stars” (Anakin and Padme’s love theme), as I liked the idea of using parts of Episode I as flashbacks (complete with sepia tone and echo).  One of the other clips was memorable (at least to me) as it had Episode I clips of Yoda, but not the horrible-and-brown-for-some-reason Muppet they made for the film originally, the decent CGI model they use now when they show clips from Episode I in videos since 2005, presumably waiting for the rumored 2010 Special Edition Blu-ray release of the films (Special Editions of the Prequels are fine by me, in case you were wondering).  The first act ended after Anakin’s even-more-abrupt-than-Episode-III fall to the Dark Side with the Imperial March played against some of the Empire’s glory from the Original Trilogy.

After a 20 minute intermission (and dismissal of the choir since Williams wasn’t in his choral phase in the 70s and 80s), the Original Trilogy started.  Luke’s Theme, Leia’s Theme, Luke and Leia’s Theme, The Hoth Battle, The Forest Battle, Mos Eisley, several of the classic arrangements were played.  The clips started to lose focus at this point, as except for the personal themes, all of the clips had shots from the prequels thrown in.  For instance, while Obi-Wan is explaining to Luke that this is his father’s light saber, they show a clip of Anakin with the random lightsaber he got tossed on Geonosis after his was damaged (which you can tell is green, even in the sepia tone).  Also, apparently there wasn’t enough of the Forest Battle to fill the whole time, so they used clips from the Battle of the Naboo Plains from Episode I, somehow creating a video containing both Ewoks and Jar Jar!  The best part musically was when they actually played the Cantina Band song in the middle of the Mos Eisley section.  Incredible talent there.

You may notice how I really only talked about the clips they were playing.  This was mostly because the music was so note-perfect that we all found ourselves becoming so engrossed in the clips that we would forget that all of the music was being performed live.  There were times when the main screen would show the orchestra playing and it was some of the best parts, honestly.  There’s something about hearing and seeing this music that I grew up with performed live and uncompressed by any means analog or digital.  The fact that C-3PO himself was introducing the clips only enhanced the unrealness/awesomeness of it all.

Sadly, this was the second-to-last American show, so if you live in the States, you missed it already.  If you’re one of my European friends and this is coming near your home, by all means, go see it!  It’s definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

Bark at the moon.

Summary: The Twilight Saga continues with Edward leaving Bella so she doesn’t get hurt, driving her into the arms of Jacob, who is a great choice in that he doesn’t want to eat her.  However, love must survive, even when its the stupid choice.

Thoughts: I was worried about this movie.  Of all the Twilight books (which I have read), I could never remember what happened in this one, mainly because nothing does.   I was hoping that maybe this movie might defy convention and be better than its source material.  This was not the case.

I found that instead of glossing over the worst parts of the book, this movie really brings to light the basic flaw of the series as a whole: Bella is not a complete person without a man in her life.  Once Edward leaves, her life falls apart until Jacob likes her, but even then his affection isn’t good enough.  She needs Edward.  When she starts hallucinating Edward whenever she does something risky, she goes out of her way to do stupid things just to imagine him there telling her not to do it.   She even jumps off a cliff just to feel alive or something.   And the movie is totally OK with this.  She doesn’t need help, she’s in love.  She’s a teenager for goodness sake.  This is not a message we need to be sending young girls.

Another problem is that she constantly makes the poor choice.  Edward knows he’s bad news and keeps telling Bella this, but she throws herself at him constantly.  After he leaves, Jacob throws himself at Bella, and she gives him the cold shoulder.  As soon as he starts to tell her that he’s dangerous because he’s a werewolf, she throws herself at him but he won’t have it.  And (surprise, surprise) as soon as Jacob likes her again, she ignores him for Edward, who still doesn’t want to do what it takes for them to be together (i.e. bite her).  Again, what are we trying to teach young girls?  Always go for the dangerous guy who doesn’t like you that much?  It’s endlessly frustrating, but that’s true love  for you.

Besides enhancing the series’ general flaws, it has other flaws too.  The werewolf effects could still use some work.  There was something wrong-looking about them, like they needed more rendering time.  While the pale makeup for the vampires was toned down, they turned up the eyes, which is especially funny when the vampire senate is talking about how humans must not find out they’re vampires when their eyes almost glow red.  The vampires still sparkle in the sun, but at least it doesn’t make the *sparkle, sparkle* sound anymore.

The acting was overdone.  I can’t stand Kristen Stewart, and Robert Pattinson just seemed to be saying his lines so they could move on to the next scene.  Once again, Billy Burke (Bella’s dad) seems to be the only person trying to act in this movie.  The main characters’ eyes were always looking down staring at the other person’s (usually shirtless) chest or off to the side, which I found very distracting.

It may seem like I’m being unfair or just focusing on the negatives, but when the movie focuses on them, its hard not to in a review.

Overall: Next time, let’s try to minimize the flaws in the book, not make them the focus.
2/5

REVIEW: 2012 (2009)

And so the world ends...

Summary: It turns out the Mayans running out of room on the rock they carved their calendar into happened to correspond with all of the planets lining up and solar flares that heat up the Earth’s core so much that every continent is violently moved.  We follow a novelist (played by John Cusack) and his family as he gets into and out of one improbable situation after another on his way to safety.

Thoughts: I found this movie to be very conflicting.  On one hand, it seems to want you to enjoy the destruction of all of the houses, roads, skyscrapers, runways, and land masses, but then seconds later expects you to care about the random character they threw in the middle of it (even if the rest of the characters don’t seem to mind either).  All of the trailers show only the destruction, making you think that Roland Emmerich (director of Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow) had finally realized that people only watch his movies for the destruction and not the forced human/dog element (there’s always a dog).  However, a surprising amount of this movie is spent in dark rooms talking about what to do/not do.  Sure, its nice to have a plot, I’m just not sure that much was necessary for a movie with this level of expectation.

Characters seem paper-thin.  Everyone fills their cliched role and no more (obsessed writer, obsessed scientist, sad president, evil politician, rich Russian, crazy person).  The effects weren’t that impressive either.  Sure, it was thrilling to see California tip into the Pacific and Yellowstone explode with the power of thousands of nukes (everyone outruns it, of course.  At least everyone important), but the effects were off just enough to make everything look a little plastic.

I can’t say it wasn’t without enjoyment.  I did find myself on the edge of my seat a few times and the theater experience definitely added to that.

So I’m conflicted.  On one hand, I enjoyed the action (even if we did see a great deal of it in the trailers), on the other, I was bored when things weren’t exploding.  A fault of my MTV-generation thought process, my expectation from the trailers, or the fact that the movie was actually boring?  I can’t be sure.  All I know is though I wouldn’t watch it again, it was a fun ride.

Overall: Cliches abound, but its fun to see.
2.5/5

BOOK REVIEW: “And Another Thing…” by Eoin Colfer

Andanotherthing
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Part Six of Three

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.  Perhaps the most funny/strangest/best book series I’ve ever read.  Written by Douglas Adams, they tell the story of Arthur Dent, a British man who is whisked away from Earth just as it is being demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass.  His humorous adventures in the weird recesses of space and time were chronicled in The Hitchhiker’s Guide Trilogy (5 books written over 13 years), similar but contradictory events happening over 5 radio series (recorded over 28 years), another set of events happening in a 1981 BBC TV series, and yet another in a 2005 film.  To add more confusion, Douglas Adams died in 2001, claiming that he didn’t mean to end the series the way he did in Book 5 as he was having personal problems that reflected in the downer ending.

For the 30th anniversary of the original book, Adams’ estate commissioned Eoin Colfer (author of the “Artemus Fowl” children’s series) to write a sixth book.  I was excited to hear that The Guide would continue without Adams, but curious as how the ending of Book 5 was going to be undone and if Colfer could keep the same sense of humor going that Adams started 30 years ago.

It turns out that he can.  After spending the first couple chapters undoing the ending of Book 5, he moves on to another ridiculous adventure around the Cosmos.  Colfer has formatted the book a bit different, putting the Guide’s (who apparently is telling the story) tangents in brackets almost like footnotes, but the tangents remain just as weird and full of puns as the originals.

While it retains much of what makes the series great, including a lot of references to past/future incidents and creatures (such as the cows who are bred to want to be eaten), the story seems a bit short, like a teaser of what it could be.  Maybe its just me.  If it is a teaser, it works, because I want more.

Overall, I think its required reading for a Hitchhikers fan (which have probably already read it), but if you haven’t read any yet, start at the beginning.  Relatively, of course, due to the time travel aspects present in most of the books.  You’ll know what I mean.

REVIEW: District 9 (2009)

Humans Only.
Humans Only.

Summary: Aliens are on earth and have been here for 20 years, only because they can’t leave.  Their ship is non-functional, left hovering over Johannesburg, South Africa and they’ve been kept in a government camp ever since.  Most humans don’t like that they’re still here, while others try to take advantage of them and their technology.

Thoughts: That Summary was hard.  I usually try not to give more plot away than the average trailer for the movie in the entire review, but the trailers were scenes specially filmed for the trailers or random scenes from the movie that give you no sense of the plot, which is great.  I went in only with the knowledge I shared in the Summary and was able to watch this movie having no idea what was going to happen, which put me on the edge of my seat the whole time.

The movie is framed with a mock-documentary, including interviews, shots from security cameras, and camera crews following some of the characters around.  Slowly it drops the documentary-style while the real plot starts (showing “what really happened”).

The plot is fast paced, with plenty of action, suspense, and some drama.  The acting is very well done, and the fact that the cast is full of unknowns helps keep you in the movie.  The aliens look real, which is impressive since they are almost 100% computer generated.  They are designed with enough humanity that you feel for them even if you can’t understand what they’re saying (they are subtitled).  The backstory is told well enough in the documentary part that everyone has an idea of what’s going on, but there’s still plenty of questions to be answered.  Questions I’d love to see answered in a book or graphic novel, or even another movie.  It’s not that this movie begs for a sequel or ends in a cliffhanger, its interesting enough on its own.  However the movie makes you want to know more and see more and find out what else happens.  And that’s the sign of a well-written movie.

I can’t wait to see what else is done with it.

Overall: Well written idea, well executed in a unique way.
4/5

MINI REVIEWS: The Hangover, Year One, Transformers 2

I gave micro-reviews of the other three movies I saw this summer on my Twitter, but I’ll repost and expand them for your reading pleasure.

You feel it in the morning.
You feel it in the morning.

The Hangover

Twitter post:

“Some laughs, but wrong and forgettable. And wrong.”

That pretty much sums it up.  Not sure why Jess and I felt the need to see it in theaters, as its worth a rental but definitely doesn’t need to be seen on the big screen (there are several things in the movie that once seen cannot be unseen).  It’s crass, immature, and vulgar, but you can’t deny it has some funny moments.  It’s not exactly quotable like some comedies are, but its not a bad comedy either.  Worth a rental if you’re into that sort of thing.

2/5


Heaven help us.
Heaven help us.

Year One

Twitter post:

“Save your money, save yourselves. Avoid the movie at all costs.”

Besides being a modified quote from Star Trek IV, its a true statement.  I went into the movie with high hopes: Harold Ramis, writers from “The Office”, Jack Black, Michael Cera, Biblical “road trip” comedy?  What could go wrong?  Apparently everything.  Its as if there was no script or director and the camera was just left on as Black and Cera wander from Biblical poop joke to Biblical poop joke.  It made no narrative sense, every scene seemed to linger as if to see if the actors did anything else funny, it was disgusting and most of all COMPLETELY UNFUNNY.  This is the only movie I’ve seen where the group I was with we actually discussed  about 30 minutes into the movie if we should just walk out because we hadn’t laughed yet.  We decided to give it a fair chance.  We shouldn’t have.

0/0

Roll out again!
Mo' sequels, mo' problems

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Twitter post:

“At drive in. Transformers over. Did not enjoy. Tired of Michael Bay.”

I’ve been putting this off for a while.  I’ve had this dilemma: I saw this movie at the drive in where many circumstances combined to make it difficult for me to fully take in this movie, however I didn’t enjoy what I saw enough to justify paying to see it again.  I’ll write my thoughts anyway.  They say that to make a successful sequel, you have to take what made the first movie good, but do it MORE.  “MORE” just happens to be Michael Bay’s middle name (it comes before the “EXPLOSIONS!” part) and he does everything the first movie did, but MORE!

  • You liked the huge battle at the end of the first movie where you couldn’t really tell what was going on?  How about TWO of them?!
  • You liked the dozen or so robots in the first one?  How about FIVE TIMES that many, with many of them being identical?!
  • You liked a confusing plot about a giant alien power source being hidden on Earth and only Shia LaBeouf holds the key to finding it?  How about that happening TWICE in the same movie, with neither one having been mentioned as being on this backwater planet during the first movie?!
  • You liked the cliched slow-motion-punches, running-from-explosions-in-slow-motion, and ever circling camera work?  How about doing it ALL THE TIME?!
  • You liked the pee and masturbation jokes from the first one?  How about MORE?!
  • Did you like how Jazz was an obvious stereotype of a black guy?  How about TWO robots who are hick/black stereotypes that in the end contribute nothing to the film?!
  • You like the awkward teenage romance between a nerd and a superhot girl that didn’t need to be happening while the Earth was being invaded?  How about doing it AGAIN?!

So it ends up being the same as the first, but with MORE.  The problem is that some of those things needed LESS, not MORE.  I enjoyed the first movie by ignoring some of the more outrageous stuff, but instead of lowering the outrageous to make a better movie, Bay made Transformers 2 into MORE of the same and I can’t go for that.

2/5